i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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