Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
