Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Randomize
