Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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