This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
