I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
You ruined the universe
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
