Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Randomize
