Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
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