If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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