based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So here I am, sexting at work.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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