Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
