Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
