Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
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