ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
