the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
