I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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