what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
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