just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize
