i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
