you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
