Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
there was a trapeze. enough said
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
