I wish I could punch you in the face.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
