Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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