3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
