This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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