I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
