I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
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