So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
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The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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