I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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