I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
The air taste purple.
Randomize
