Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
