Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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