All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My breasts were aching with rage.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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