I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
