Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
