Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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