Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
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And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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