Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Randomize
