once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
