You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
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you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
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I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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