she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
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