Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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