we have officially lost it.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Randomize
