I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize