Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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