Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
