There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
