He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Randomize
