So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
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I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
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And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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