You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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