I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
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