Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
