quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
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