I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
