I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
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