speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
