Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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