So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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