I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
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She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
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No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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