I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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