is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
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