remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
