i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Randomize
