Did I show you my penis last night?
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
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