I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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