sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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