so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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