I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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