we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
