he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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